Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
