i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
