Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We have started to decorate penises.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
