Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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