you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
