fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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