good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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