How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
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She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
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He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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