Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
The feeling are messing with the penis
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
