so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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