I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
