i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
