WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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