Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
