Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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