Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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