yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
