You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
