I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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