I forgot how hot balto sounded
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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