If i could tip my vagina, i would.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
