dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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