I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
