Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
