i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
