She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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