I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
