I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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