Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
