I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
