just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
