i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
