She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize