Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
