best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
