you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
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I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
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I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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