I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
