i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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