I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
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2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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