My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Green mimosas i think yes
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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