I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
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did i walk over a car last night?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
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Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants