Texts From Last Night

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  (817): View more from Texas

  Midnight walks are trippy

  (1-817): View more from Texas

  I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.

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  (817): Midnight walks are trippy (1-817): I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon. http://tfl.nu/r0y6
  Replies (9) Good night (3582) Bad night (695)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.

  (903): View more from Texas

  wow. i have no words.

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  (979): i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door. (903): wow. i have no words. http://tfl.nu/bjsv
  Replies (29) Good night (5846) Bad night (1057)
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  (714): View more from California

  you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...

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  (714): you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom... http://tfl.nu/jilx
  Replies (21) Good night (780) Bad night (5454)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number

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  (709): I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number http://tfl.nu/l21z
  Replies (12) Good night (5477) Bad night (1476)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella

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  (573): i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella http://tfl.nu/sjyh
  Replies (34) Good night (6276) Bad night (2251)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug

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  (815): shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug http://tfl.nu/1b7i
  Replies (3) Good night (835) Bad night (2997)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.

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  (620): In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night. http://tfl.nu/xvxy
  Replies (2) Good night (3809) Bad night (866)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar

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  (401): So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar http://tfl.nu/20ke
  Replies (6) Good night (2449) Bad night (896)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.

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  (541): I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me. http://tfl.nu/2bgd
  Replies (9) Good night (2896) Bad night (1349)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.

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  (316): I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock. http://tfl.nu/nmgr
  Replies (16) Good night (3808) Bad night (775)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.

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  (847): The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome. http://tfl.nu/h8r4
  Replies (13) Good night (5054) Bad night (851)
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  (343): View more from Ontario

  Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?

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  (343): Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen? http://tfl.nu/nxy5
  Replies (14) Good night (805) Bad night (2560)
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  (805): View more from California

  It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs

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  (805): It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs http://tfl.nu/6q0t
  Replies (3) Good night (596) Bad night (245)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.

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  (513): Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for. http://tfl.nu/4mzo
  Replies (0) Good night (409) Bad night (240)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.

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  (703): There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits. http://tfl.nu/9vrk
  Replies (2) Good night (643) Bad night (622)

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