i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.