New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??