There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
