Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...