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dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
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