dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
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