i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
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what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
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still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.