i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous