they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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