Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
