They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
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Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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