think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
