physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
