i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
