I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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