I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
