these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
