I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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