oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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