i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
you would pick up someone in the library
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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