I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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