took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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