Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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