No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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