Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
