I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm getting married
To pizza
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
