What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize