Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think your dad took our porno
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
