please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
