Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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