You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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