Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Randomize
