This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well I just put wine in my tea
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
