you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
