you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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