The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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