I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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